婚活 [konkatsu]

November 28, 2010 at 1:12 pm (general)

 Don’t say that, please. I think I have been too nervous to hear this term because I turned 29 a while ago(would anybody say happy birthday to me?). Well, if you happen to be a teenager or in early 20’s, there’s nothing to worry about. But after you pass 25 or so, you would start to think about your future, especially marriage thing. Next? Maybe…home, child, or life after retirement. Too much to think about, but time sure goes by. Anyway, the first thing I have to start is 婚活[konkatsu] or spouse hunting. 婚活 is an abbreviation of 結婚活動[kekkon katsudou] meaning to seek for your partner for marriage. This origins from 就活[shukatsu], that is an abbreviation of 就職活動[shushoku katsudou] or job hunting.

 This term was coined in the monthly magazine, AERA in 2007. When the sociologist, Masahiro Yamada talked about a marriage thing in the interview, he made this word. According to him, there are more and more people who can’t marry even though they want to. So that is why he thinks there needs an organization to assist them or whatsover. Why are there so many people who can’t marry? For one thing, men’s income seems to be decreasing whereas women want them to make more. Now, most men’s annual income is approximately less than four million yen(forty-seven thousand dollars) whereas women hope more than five million yen (sixty thousand dollars). It doesn’t match. But if you never marry, what will be waiting for you is…I think I have introduced here. I don’t believe it. Such a thing is kind of an invisible pressure named 婚圧[konatsu]. Don’t press me, please!

marriage agency

 At any rate, what kind of thing should we do? If you already have a girlfriend/boyfriend, just keep dating. But if not, you shall join a match-making party. We say 合コン[goukon] which is an abbreviation of 合同コンパ[goudou compa] where several men and women are to seek for a partner. You can speak to them one by one to get to know each other. Make sure you ask his/her phone number for your next date. But if you want to join such a party, you would have to either find an organiser or organise it. If you can do neither, you can talk to the marriage agency[結婚相談所]. You need to register, yes, of course you have to pay registeration fee and make sure you tell your height, education, and income. I tell you what, in fact I haven’t been to this kind of agency. That’s what I heard.

 Of course most people do not want to rely on such an agency since we want to find a partner oneself, don’t we? And most people seem to feel it’s embarrassing to use the agency. In my opinion, I don’t think so. Because we are not supposed to know where your fateful person is, right? そうでしょ?

 Speaking of 婚活, I can think of the TV drama, 婚カツ![konkatsu!] in which Masahiro Nakai from SMAP stars. The story starts from where a jobless man applies for a job. But when he knows only the married can apply, he lies he is going to marry soon. Because of this, he is obligated to start his 婚活. Personally, I prefer the hero in About A Boy or the one in 結婚できない男[kekkon dekinai otoko] or A Man Who Can’t Marry. Both of the heroes stay single because they don’t want to get married. Even though they are enough rich, they enjoy a single life. But in the end, they try to find a new life. I think there seems to be such a time for anyone, the time you really feel you need to change your life. Then you just change yourself. Nothing is too late.

 People around me sometimes say I should start 婚活. Yes I know I should. Sigh, it’s too difficut because there is at least three items I would like my future wife to accept.

a. I am an otaku cosplayer.

b. I am an otomen.

c. Sometimes I cosplay characters from BL games. 

 Almost all of my friends say the same thing,”Man, no girls will come to you for sure.” Yes, I know.



  1. Kブログ said,

    女の子はあなたに来る. (笑)

    • bangin said,


  2. angelofdevotion said,

    Happy (really belated) birthday!!! My birthday was just yesterday! We are November kids! haha! Anyway, I think that of course, there will always be people who accept the way you are, or they might even cosplay along with you!!!!

    But….. I might start to think of it…….. soon. Just turned 24…..

    When I was learning Japanese, my teacher mentioned of the word “Christmas cake…..” Does this apply only to girls after 25 or also to guys as well?

    • bangin said,

      Thank you, and I gotta say happy birthday to you in return.^^

      Christmas cake applies for girls only. And after girls pass 25, they shall be called toshi koshi soba because we eat it on December 31st. So you have six more years.

  3. Arikoto said,

    Now your blog has a “like” function… umhh
    And happy birthday ^^.

    • bangin said,

      Thank you very much^^

  4. tasukihoneybunny said,

    First Happy birthday. 🙂
    Second, I am in the about the same boat as you but from the female side. I just turned 29 and I am cosplayer as well.

    So I wish you lots of luck in search.

    • bangin said,

      I hope someone would make a new society for cosplayers who seek for a partner!

  5. khim said,


    • bangin said,



  6. Invi said,

    Some of us girls would happily accept points a, b, and c! In fact, I think it would be nice if there were some guys like that around here, LOL.

    And happy belated birthday to you!

    • bangin said,

      Really? Thank you very much.^^

  7. cosmosmith said,

    In the west, I think there would be many women who would be interested in a man like you! I know I would! ^^;

    But do you think a fujoshi wouldn’t accept A., B, C.? Because I think they would love all of those points… Romance can be tricky, huh,,,

    • bangin said,

      Then I should have been born in the west, haha.

      Well, once a fujoshi friend of mine said like, not I don’t like cosplayers, but I don’t want my boyfriend to cosplay. So I have to make sure before I date.

      • cosmosmith said,

        But on the other hand, over here it’s harder to have a hobby like cosplay, or to meet people with similar interests -_-;;;

        That’s pretty weird that your friend would think so, but at least she told you the truth. Good luck with finding a girl that accepts your hobbies, I’m sure you can!

        And I forgot to mention, happy belated birthday!!

  8. cinnamon said,

    Happy BD, bangin-san! I am sure, that you will find the one accepting and adoring you being a, b, c and so much more:)

    • bangin said,

      Thank you very much! Yes, I hope so!

  9. mlle said,

    happy (late) birthday! just wanted to say how much i enjoy your blog.
    i used “konkatsu” and “konatsu” with a japanese friend (single, 27 yrs old), and she became very depressed. haha

    seeing the comments above, maybe you just need a plane ticket, hm?

    • bangin said,

      Thank you very much!
      Yes I want a plane ticket to go to a place where a guy like me can start konkatsu!

  10. Kurihime said,

    Happy (belated) Birthday to you! ^ ^

    I think that you’ll be able to find someone that accepts the things you like to do! I have a friend who met her boyfriend a few years ago at an anime convention while they were both doing cosplay for Naruto; now they are still dating and soon to be engaged to get married. So guys who have the same or similar hobbies to yours will *definitely* find someone. 😀 I certainly believe that you will find someone special when the time is right!

    [And yes, come visit us in the west sometime; there are lots of girls who would absolutely love to meet a guy like you. ^ ^]

    • bangin said,

      Really? Then should I join an anime convention, haha.
      Thank you very much!^^

  11. bangin said,

    cosmosmith: Thank you very much!

  12. Teko-chi said,

    :C Aww, Happy birthday, Bangin-kun. ❤
    I know how you feel… Its even harder for a 17 year old American fujoshi to find otomen guys, who cosplay. ;__;
    The only guys who hit on me are cool, I want nerdy otomen fudanshi! xD

    • bangin said,

      Thank you^^
      Oh isn’t there any fudanshi in America? I think they are in the closet. You should take them out!

  13. tokyo moe said,

    Don’t worry, Bangin-sensei. Marriage is not for everyone! I am sure that you can be happy outside of marriage.

    • bangin said,

      Hi how’s it going lately?
      Wahaha, I think I enjoy myself already, so that is why I don’t think of konkatsu so seriously.^^

      • Charana said,

        Woohoo! good for you!

        I send you birthday wish of finding someone for yourself that makes you a happy couple 😀

        Happy late birthday!

  14. bangin said,

    Charana: Thank you ver much. 🙂 I wish I could find someone!

  15. ちびちゃん said,

    気にしないで下さい、banginさん!まだ時間があると思います!あたしの父は35歳ぐらい母(その時、彼女は28歳29歳ぐらい)と結婚しました。ちょっと遅いだけど、あの二人はあたしと弟を作りました(・・・でしょう?w)。 Even at my current age (22), I was worried that I wouldn’t even be able to have my first boyfriend because my relationships wouldn’t last very long. But this past summer, my best friend from high school (who’s pursued me on and off for the past 6 years) told me that he still couldn’t get over me. Although I’ve always loved him, I felt that I had to hide it because I thought that our relationship would be only long distance. But he managed to convince me that it wouldn’t be like that, and he’s kept his word and things are going well. ^^ banginさんの特別な人はどこかがいると思います~!

    • bangin said,


  16. azu-chan said,

    am i too late??? happy birthday!! XD

  17. kloadheart said,

    i just turned 15 on dec.09

    anyways, don't worry man! i am SO SURE that someone will come to you :]
    you have a higher chance of getting someone rather than me =w="
    i just broke up with my bf cuz i didn't feel a connection
    maybe you will find someone when the time is right [:
    for me, i am the seme in the relationship soooo… ughhh =-="
    (im still a virgin dont take it the wrong way, lolz xD)

    • bangin said,

      Thank you very much.

      Ahaha, is that so? I will wait for the time coming!

  18. Irene said,

    bangin-san, how can you say many girls won’t accept a man with a,b and c qualities. They are out there! *raises hand* (^_^)/

    Ah…. it’s nearing Christmas already.

    • bangin said,

      Where can I find those kind girls?

      Oh yes, it is coming soon…

      • Charana said,

        ah, I bet they are around you and you don’t even know 🙂

  19. Asamisa said,

    I kinda have the same problem around here. Here, girls are rised to study, being proffesionals and get married quickly; I’m just 18, and my former girl partners from school wouldn’t believe that I didn’t want to get married/have children soon,l because there’s many things I want to do.

    I think I would get married with a man that accepts that I’m a otaku and that I’m not that femenine (I really dislikes how other girls spend hours just to put make up).

    Myabe I’ll look for you if I go to Japan one day XDDDD (or my girl-friends xDD).

    • bangin said,

      Then please come to me if you come to Japan. ^^

  20. Gucci Handtaschen Online said,

    thanks for share!

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